the only way to do this is to convince myself to not be afraid to lose him. that's the way it's gotta be for me.

i keep going back and forth on whether or not i should actually start taking this blog seriously and writing things of importance in it. or at least organize it to become a blog for my zines and writing. but i don't know.

i dunno.

i forced myself to start working on the Ripley zine this weekend. i went through a fat stack of clippings and found some really good ones to set aside. i can see a lot of cool things happening with this zine. Mim will be in Florida shortly i can drain her dry for stories. i need ideas. i have some already but i need to be inspired. i'm counting on the clippings for inspiration. they will be the zine foundation.

i hope it comes out as i imagine it. i remember when i was working on Agnes Briggs, i had a really specific idea in my head of what i wanted, and the end result was very close to what i had in mind. i want that to happen again. i hope it does.

you know, zines make me really very happy. i wish i had known about them about 10 years ago.

i started reading cultor sore #15 last night. i fell asleep with it lazing on my chest. it was pretty good. it had a lot of music and book reviews in it, something i've never seen a lot of in a perzine before.

Hellboy was pretty good. and Dark Crystal was fun. James and i had fun watching it.

this weekend James looked at me as i layed on my stomach naked and said i was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. he said it with such emotion, and it really moved me and made me feel treasured.