i watched Être et Avoir (To Be and To Have) this afternoon. it was such a sweet documentary. the little children were lovely, and so was the teacher. it made even more anxious to finish school and get into a classroom already, but it also makes me feel like i won't be up to snuff. i mean yeah, i think as far as teaching goes i'll be pretty good (hopefully), but i'm not too sure of myself around children. well, i don't plan on teaching really little kids, but i do want to teach younger children at first--maybe 5th grade or somewhere around there--and i haven't had a lot of experience with kids, really. i want to say i could relate to them pretty well but i'm not sure. it's not just that, though. i hope i can handle them okay. it'd be one thing if i only had a kid or two at a time, but a whole classroom! i know from my own school days that it's quite a skill to maintain control over a classroom, yet at the same time not be too uptight of an atmosphere. i won't want to be a Mrs. Crumplebottom or something.

i watched a lot of stuff this weekend... well, a few things. lots of TV. a few episodes of 30 Rock (which was pretty good), Fat Actress, Soap, and a handful of South Park season 8. i also watched Synecdoche, New York - eh. i've got some laundry done just now, and i'm trying to sort through my clothes and only wear what i won't bring with me on vacation so i won't have to do anymore laundry at the last minute. i hate packing. it's a pain in the ass.

i'm very anxious to see what my grade is for my Psych paper. i won't know til Wednesday, though. EEEP. i hope i get an A in the class. i got all A's on every test with the exception of one, so as long as i got an A on my paper and do well on the final exam i should... i think.

took a personal day today. i didn't sleep well last night. i'm being more lax this year... i know James and i probably won't see much of one another, therefore there isn't much point in saving all my vaca days for him. i'll save a handful though. just in case.

i slept in this morning and i feel better, only i have a crappy headache that stubbornly refuses to get lost! i hate that. i was going to go out and take care of things for my MA trip next week but i just feel too shit to do much. i spent most of the day moping around watching TV. had some yogurt and a cup of soup. i'm kind of hungry now though. i should eat something more. i don't even have any school work to keep me company! you can you believe it?

i was going to see Brittany on Saturday, but it aint gonna work out so it's going to have to be postponed til after i come back from Mass.

i'm getting really, really excited for Mass, though. i seriously can't wait. its' going to be a lot of fun. so many people to hang out with. good times to come, i can feel it!

I FINISHED THE BULLYING PAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

course, it took me all damn weekend to do it, and i still have to finish my outline/fill out my Works Cited, but i don't give a damn right now. i still have until Wednesday until i have to turn it in anyway. man, what a RELIEF that is. that's what i get for waiting til the last weekend! i can't believe next week is the last week and i'm done with my Psychology class. i was so anti social this semester. i didn't talk to anyone all term except for this nurse that sits next to me, but she's very shy and studious so whenever we do talk it's to ask each other for notes or something. ah well. people intimidate me. she looks like the kind of girl i'd know in high school who is too smart to hang out with someone like me. that sounds so bad, saying that.

James and i are in desperate need of a date or something. we've barely spent much time together lately, and i miss him a crap load. we watched The Sandlot the other night--he'd never seen it before--i've got a soft spot for it. i think he enjoyed it, too. we've been slacking on our TV show so we need to get back on the ball with that. next on the list is Synecdoche, New York, a James choice. i've never seen it before. but i have to watch Waking Ned Devine before i rent it, because it's still sitting on my DVD player and Netflix only allows me 3 at a time. i'll possibly watch it tomorrow night. maaybe. my parents also rented that Eastwood movie, Gran Torini. i've wanted to see that for awhile now, too. i would have watched it with them tonight but i HAD to finish this paper.

so i guess i'm going to work tomorrow. :( i was going to take it off, but since i finished my paper i don't really need to now. i probably wouldn't have anyway since Mom made me feel all guilty about it. she ALWAYS does that! hypocrite.

but i don't even care. i'm just glad it's done. so so glad. i tried to help Mom a bit with the scrapbook this afternoon but MAN, did i suck. i had to stop because i was getting so frustrated. Mom made me get lost. i've tried doing scrapbooking before and this always happens to me. i have zero talent in the scrapbooking department. not that i particularly care because i really prefer a regular photo album to a scrap book. they always look so cheesy. i think it would be more fun to make a zine. i can imagine if i were to make one, i'd not want to be so damn precise. precision is for amateurs!

gr... i have the hardest time understanding people my own age usually. it's a good thing i'm not a Psychology major. doesn't the thought of having to spend your weekdays hearing all of peoples fucked up problems and doomed lives sound like the worst punishment you could ever imagine? i assume that all people who want to be Psychologists must first have to figure their own shitty lives out, because how the hell can a person presume to help others if they themselves are fucked up? and i personally think no one is exempt from being fucked up in some form or another. that's just my personal opinion, obviously. i don't care if you come from a perfectly normal family where your mother was kind, loving, nurturing, you had plenty of creative outlets and always felt safe, there's going to be some traumatic incident from deep in your past that will hang over your head like a raincloud the rest of your life unless you go out and pay someone to dissolve it.

for some, i think shit like that isn't so hidden. i know where a lot of my own self-esteem issues come from, though i bet even i have some shitty things i've pressed down below any level of consciousness. it's depressing knowing that if someday i choose to be a mother, i can't really ever fully protect them from being fucked up. WOW.

i love it when i start writing in this thing with the notion of writing a daily routine update and then i go all haywire.

i'msotired. i'm always tired anymore. i think stress makes me feel tired... because i feel overwhelmed... and i tend to feel defeated before i ever actually do anything. it's the pits!

saw Drag Me To Hell for my birthday. it was AWESOME. i loved it. i also saw Up which might be my favorite of 09--so far, of course.

got lots of cute little presents from James for my birthday. my favorite is probably the Paul Frank watch. it has cupcakes on it! i love my boyfriend.

i have some pictures, but i haven't gotten around to uploading them yet. when i do i guess i'll post them here... aint got no energy to do that tonight, though. every time i think of getting stuff done i have to stop!

got a beautiful bouquet of purple tulips for my birthday. yay, flowers always make me happy. i want to grow my own flower garden and put vases of fresh flowers all over the house. that would be sweet.

i really love spending time with Peyton. kids are fun. he's fun, and i like playing with him and reading to him. i read him bits and peices from Where the Wild Things Are tonight. :)

hey look, it's the first day of June!

i wrote about 10 pages worth of crap in Psych class tonight, and my arm still feels like it's going to fall off. i probably don't need to write so much, but i use my notes heavily so i don't have to keep thumbing through tons of shit that won't be on the test when it comes time to study. he goes so fast, though. it's a bitch keeping up with it usually. plus i can't just write it all down, i have to understand it too, so i'll throw in little things of my own here and there to shed some perspective.

the word 'perspective' just reminded me of Ratatouille. random!

my parents bought a blu ray! woo HOOO! can't wait to test it out. we don't actually own any blu-rays yet though, but Bruce discovered that we can stream our Instant Play on Netflix through it! how god damn cool is that, James?! how bout that? how bout that shit?

Palindromes sucked. gonna watch another instant play tonight, maaaybe. i'm not tired.