i like that this blog has become a place i go to when i want to regroup my thoughts; it may not be organized and utilized, but at least it's helpful in some small way.

i caught a cold over the weekend, so i've been cooped up in my room the past few days. i think i'm over the worst though (i think...). i hope i wake up tomorrow feeling better and ready. i have several things i need to take care of this week. it's my last week before school starts, and i want to start out the semester healthy and focused.

to-do by the weekend:

-finish inspired zine.
-finish sewing together socktopus for james' birthday.
-bake cookies for james' birthday package.
-wrap all the presents; have everything ready by friday at the latest.
-buy all my books for next semester.

i felt a little better tonight, so i straightened my room and did some laundry. threw away some stuff, regrouped other things so i feel a little better. i've decided to name my tall oak bookshelf the zine factory, even though it's really not. i keep all my paper there, but all my zine supplies - glue, scrap paper i've found and hoarded, newspaper clippings, stationary, old calendars, old letters etc etc etc - is in a white laundry basket under the chair in the corner of my room. i just don't have the room for it all, so needless to say, zine-making always gets really messy and usually kind of confusing if i don't clear a great big space beforehand. i need a fucking desk in here, but i have no room. maybe if i got rid of the dresser... but then, where would i store all my socks/underwear? i could hang up all my pants, i s'pose, and maybe get something small and more practical for the undergarments? they don't take up that much room, afterall. even still though, getting rid of the dresser wouldn't free up that much extra room. my dresser isn't even that big, and it'd be useless having a desk anyway if i didn't have a desk chair so i could actually, y'know, work at it. well, maybe i could at least get some kind of storage desk to organize all my supplies, even if i couldn't use it like a real desk. someday, someday.

it's nearly midnight, and seeing as i've been ill, i should already be in bed. today i took a sick day but i fully intend on going in tomorrow, as long as i don't feel worse! but i'm going to wait until the laundry is done. it always makes me feel better when i know what i'm wearing in the morning...

2009: a year

2009 was kind of a surreal experience because even though nothing earth-shattering happened, i feel that there were a lot of changes for me - most of all in me.

it was my first full year of college, firstly, and i think it changed me. you know how people who have children are always saying that they change your entire outlook on life, the way you think, etc? i had that sort of experience with school. sort of. it was more gradual and not overnight, but i sensed myself mature. i sensed my mind-set turn into that of an adult woman rather than an insecure little girl.

basically, 2009 marks the first year i feel like a real grown-up. ironic, isn't it? i would have thought moving across the country, independent from my family and living with my then-boyfriend would have changed my mind-set more than anything.

it didn't, really. life is so weird sometimes.

my relationship with James has matured, too. with everything put into perspective, i was looking at all the most important parts of my life with this new outlook. i took care of things and so they grew.

this also happened with Mom and me.

not that life is perfect or even ideal, but i know that i am happy with how things are progressing, that they are progressing at all, and so that does make me actually a happy person.

in late 2009 i also took up zines, a hobby that made me extraordinarily happy. i haven't felt so happy and fulfilled by doing something i love since i was eight years old and i started reading non-school books.

even though i'm not superstitious or anything, i'm glad this decade is over, and i'm glad 2009 was a crossover year for me, because it does almost seem like a sign for things to come in the following decade. like i said, i'm not superstitious, but i really do think that some things are just blatant. when something feels right, it probably is.

i'm still a person without many friends, but i'm hopeful. i really am.