i'm busy right now, but probably by the middle of next week i'll be able to think again. oh, and my room is a total shit heap at the moment and i'll probably straighten it up tomorrow night.

right now, i'm just trying to keep up with work, school, and voluneteer hours at OBE. i'm tired and i need to sleep. i also want to finish my book, watch some films, and support my best friend.

i'm tired, so i'm going to bed now. g'nite!

school starts next week!!!! which isn't even news, since school just ENDED 2 days ago. literally, 2 days ago.

but i must look to the bright side, which is... i should still be under 30 by the time i get my fucking degree.

in aaaany case. i dunno when i last wrote or what i said, but i'm trying to be good and write in here. it's hard to think of things to say - i find it's harder to think of what to write when i only write sporadically.

fall 2010 schedule!

-statistics
-educational psychology
-intro to special education
-intro to diversity for educators

3 out of 4 of those classes require 15 hours of volunteer work in a school of my choosing. i'm looking forward to that the most; i thoroughly enjoyed my observation last year. plus, i'm only taking ONE core class and three classes geared towards my major! this is what i have been waiting for.

i admit, i haven't been writing much lately. i'm kind of getting discouraged. i keep feeling like when i try to put efforts in towards finishing a zine, it's really not that good, and no one would really like it, so why should i go to all this trouble for it? maybe that's silly, and maybe that shouldn't be my thought process. but lately, it is.

and it doesn't help that i have piss-poor resources.

i HAVE been reading a lot, though. not just novels, but zines. yesterday i read a zine called Driving Blind by a girl named Erin. i loved it so much i wrote her a nice letter on the cutest stationary i possessed and shipped it off today. i do hope i hear back.

speaking of snail mail, last month i signed up for a Pen Pal service - like a proper one, where i fill out an App and list countries and preferences and supposedly, i'll receive a list of potential Pen Pal names + addresses as well as receive letters... but nothing yet. now i'm just wondering if the whole thing was a fucking scam.

so this is my last semester as an AA student. after this, i should be applying for the Bachelor's Program. i say "should be" because i'll actually be 1 credit short; i'm supposed to have 60 credits and i'll only have 59. the reason why is so fucking stupid it's not worth mentioning, but given that i have a really high GPA and also a great rack, i was kinda hoping i could go into the school and persuade them to let me apply for the program anyway and make up the credit next semester. since i'm not transferring to another University i don't see why this should be a problem. i think it would be pretty stupid to force me to take a whole semester off because of 1 stupid credit. but, stranger things have happened.

wow! i couldn't have chosen better timing for my monthly friend this time! sandwiched between shannon's wedding and james' visit? yes please!

i turned 26 yesterday, and i don't even care. i'd like to stop aging at this point but i'm not going to be all like "boo, another year." fuck that. mom made me a cake (strawberry per my request!), and some relatives from up north were here for it, which was a nice surprise. auntie sheryl bought me a necklace that said something about families which made me tear up. aw. i love my aunties.

i also got a bit o' money, which will be used for Atlanta, and the BEST PART IS james' presents are still to come! i told him to wait and give them to me next week when i see him. oh, but he let me open one from Amazon, which was a few different things, among them THE GASHLYCRUMB TINIES by Edward Gorey.

a sample:

e is for ernest who choked on a peach
f is for fanny sucked dry by a leech
g is for george smothered under a rug
h is for hector done in by a thug

:D i also got Ponyo on dvd as well as a Ponyo plush!! pictures to come.

this weekend will probably be a lot of little things... or nothing, depending on how these cramps go. i have to get things in order for Atlanta, i need the room to be clean and easily accessible for james, and some other little things. but it's more like me to keep telling myself that and then waiting for Wednesday night to do it all.

plus, my kindle has got me so hypnotized i'll probably end up failing out of school from reading too much. oh the irony!

to-do list:

-laundry
-clean car
-straighten room
-do all my schoolwork (i have a test and a paper due tomorrow)
-figure out how much $ i'll need for Atlanta
-organize the fucking bathroom so peyton's toys aren't all the fuck over the place anymore

i guess that's it. i don't care.

my sister's wedding weekend is officially over. it seems so weird to meticulously plan something for like, 2 years, and it was only for a couple days of madness. well. it's weird how everything revolved around it, too. i kind of just went with it. everyone else made it really important and so i knew it was supposed to be like that and so i made it like that. why does everyone always feel like the day you get married has to be so perfect though? everything has to be just so - all the way down to the last detail - and if something gets screwed up it's a huge deal. how many days in a person's life can you say is like this? i can't think of any.

i did have fun, though. the best part was the time spent with my cousins, i love them. and i wish they lived closer. i was out of my comfort zone a lot, though. i drank far too much at the bachelorette - i don't think i've ever been that drunk before and i can't say i liked it. i also danced A LOT. and i talked a lot. and i wore a lot of clothes i'm not accustomed to. and i spent time with people who are a lot different than me and really enjoyed it, so that's what i mean about the comfort zone. i think all these ventures out of my secure little world is a contributing factor to my easily upset stomach that weekend, but whatever.

james is coming next week! i am looking forward to this in a completely different way. i'm not nervous, i'm just happy and excited. being with him feels comfortable and warm and lovely. it makes me feel at home, even when i'm in England with him.

my birthday is Friday, i'll be 26! my mom is baking me a cake, yay. i think i'll ask for strawberry this year. i also bought myself a birthday present. that's allowed, right? i can't wait to get my kindle. i'm ridiculously excited for it. you'd think i've never read a book before, but i love me a new gadget. and i'll definitely name it because it'll be a personal, good gadget. i won't know what name to give it, though, til it's nestled in my hand.

i slept really well last night! warm and heavy and comfy and straight through, 10:30-6. hurrah.

i'm not sure, but i think having a 4-year-old living here is what's making me wake up early the past few days. i woke up at 6 today, 6:30 yesterday. i'm glad, but i tend to get pretty tired by 11, which is so weird for me. but it's way better than staying up until 2am.

i had the weirdest dream last night that mom and i slept at Tammy and Scott's house because we had no hot water at ours, and Tammy and Scott woke me up by singing a duet (like they were professional singers or something). the song they were singing wasn't even a real song, i don't think, but i still have the tune and part of the chorus stuck in my head! actually, i always think stuff like that is cool - that i make up songs and shit in my dreams. real songs with real words and melodies and stuff. well, not really because i don't remember anything else about the song, and maybe it's a ripoff, but still. kind of cool.

shannon's wedding is Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm all excited to see my Massachusetts people. i never, ever see them, and i got to see them last summer for the 50th, and it's really quite a treat that i'll get to see them again this year. and then two weeks after i get to see James, and then Esther. and we're going to Atlanta, and Orlando, and Jacksonville. the next month should be nice and good and busy.

i bought a strapless bra for the wedding weekend. i hope it doesn't make my tits look like shit.

i started a new class for the Summer semester. Elementary Mathematics, grades k-5. it's all about the learning perspective. i like it so far, though it's a lot of work. i may have to tote my laptop along for the wedding. we'll see.

i keep telling myself i'm going to start another zine, but every time i do so many things come up. i told myself once spring break came i would. then it was once spring semester ended. now it's once shannon's wedding is over, but i know i'll be busy preparing for James' visit. i don't know. i should at least be writing even if i'm not working on the actual physical zine. i have written some stuff, though! but it's all disorganized. i have half-written stories written both on my laptop as well as my work PC. i need to get my shit together.

that's it, the next time i take a hiatus i'm going to say so so i don't feel so guilty whenever i think about my poor abandoned blog!

i just looked and the last time i wrote was sometime in January, which makes sense - the past few months have been fucking craaaazy. i got sick three times, i nearly shit myself every day trying to figure out how to get all my school work done, i kicked myself in the shin for taking too many classes, i tried to remain calm while my sister + co went apeshit over Shannon's bridal shower, i i i i i i

but now it's April.

on the upside, 3 of my classes have ended, leaving just Cultural Geography and Biological Science. i'm treading, these are my worst subjects yet. i finished my speech class with a passing grade and never have to worry about it ever again. i bought a flattering bridesmaid dress for Shannon's wedding. i planned a trip to Atlanta for James and i in June. i kept my job. i registered for the summer semester. i was approved for another year of student loans.

on the downside, i haven't done a zine in months and i know i'll feel better if i do. my allergies are causing my immune system to go utter shit. though i'm still on the President's List, my GPA went down. my room needs a makeover. i need to inspire myself and spend less time vegetating. i need to make more of an effort talking to people and hanging out with the few friends i have.

i'm really looking forward to June, so that volcano in Iceland better stop stirring ash so James can fly to me then!

i like that this blog has become a place i go to when i want to regroup my thoughts; it may not be organized and utilized, but at least it's helpful in some small way.

i caught a cold over the weekend, so i've been cooped up in my room the past few days. i think i'm over the worst though (i think...). i hope i wake up tomorrow feeling better and ready. i have several things i need to take care of this week. it's my last week before school starts, and i want to start out the semester healthy and focused.

to-do by the weekend:

-finish inspired zine.
-finish sewing together socktopus for james' birthday.
-bake cookies for james' birthday package.
-wrap all the presents; have everything ready by friday at the latest.
-buy all my books for next semester.

i felt a little better tonight, so i straightened my room and did some laundry. threw away some stuff, regrouped other things so i feel a little better. i've decided to name my tall oak bookshelf the zine factory, even though it's really not. i keep all my paper there, but all my zine supplies - glue, scrap paper i've found and hoarded, newspaper clippings, stationary, old calendars, old letters etc etc etc - is in a white laundry basket under the chair in the corner of my room. i just don't have the room for it all, so needless to say, zine-making always gets really messy and usually kind of confusing if i don't clear a great big space beforehand. i need a fucking desk in here, but i have no room. maybe if i got rid of the dresser... but then, where would i store all my socks/underwear? i could hang up all my pants, i s'pose, and maybe get something small and more practical for the undergarments? they don't take up that much room, afterall. even still though, getting rid of the dresser wouldn't free up that much extra room. my dresser isn't even that big, and it'd be useless having a desk anyway if i didn't have a desk chair so i could actually, y'know, work at it. well, maybe i could at least get some kind of storage desk to organize all my supplies, even if i couldn't use it like a real desk. someday, someday.

it's nearly midnight, and seeing as i've been ill, i should already be in bed. today i took a sick day but i fully intend on going in tomorrow, as long as i don't feel worse! but i'm going to wait until the laundry is done. it always makes me feel better when i know what i'm wearing in the morning...