so by this time tomorrow i think i should be COMPLETELY finished with my zine. yes!

i've been working on it nearly every night this week. and by "working on it", i don't mean a few minutes here or there, i mean all-out the whole night from the time i get home from work until 12 or 1 in the morning. and yesterday, i got home around 1:30pm [took half a day], so i pretty much worked on it for eight hours. damn!

so yeah. anyone reading this that is interested in making a zine, it isn't something to take lightly. it could take you months, maybe even a year, to finish it, actually. and mine is only 64 pages.

anyway! oh, school starts on Monday. which is part of the reason i've been rushing around this week trying to finish this. i'm going to be very busy starting Monday, something i have mixed feelings about. i can't tell yet how things are going to go this semester, but i hope i don't end up going crazy. i'm kinda nervous. i want to be able to handle it, so i can keep up pace and graduate, oh, in the next 10 years.

plus, if i can keep up and stay busy, well then that means i have less time to sit around doing nothing, less time to be depressed or lonely. also a good thing.

i'm trying to think if there's anything else worth mentioning... hm, i read 2 books last week: The Secret Garden [lovely], and Thirteen Reasons Why [hmm]. i wanted to finish another book before school, but yeah, doesn't look like that is going to happen. i'm like Rachael Ray, i take on too many things at once. only she never drops anything.

i watched an anime film recently, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, and i really liked it. it was kind of weird/interesting, and i really liked the way it ended and it was cute, and i want to see the sequel [i think there will be one, anyway]. there is a prequel which i haven't seen yet, either. i was thinking about the movie Paprika the other day. how i really liked it because it was so weird/trippy and it had such weird characters and dialogue, but in all honesty the storyline was utter shit.

today Gwen was talking about how she can't wait to see the new Halloween 2 movie. what the fuck. the remake was awful. everything was obnoxious and loud and stupid and boring and awful. gave me a headache. and i know the original isn't particularly well-acted or anything, and it's all cheesy, and i don't really expect any kind of amazing performances in horror films, but... still. it's a classic. can i just say that without having to justify? yeah, i can.

i don't feel like writing right now, but i'm going to make a to-do list because i there are several things i need to take care of over the next month or so.

stuff to take care of:

+finish my zine; that is, set up the pages, copy, bind, and distribute.
+contact Jenny about the drawings if she does not respond by tomorrow
+look up zip code for the Tabernacle in ATL, Ga; try to find cheap hotels nearby.
+buy a graphing calculator for my next math course.
+return shirt to Torrid
+send off package of books to James
+check my Higheroneaccount and see when my next deposit is coming in.
+start working on my halloween costume!
+start saving for Christmas; possibly browsing online and making a gift list.

i think this is good for now. i know there is more i need to consider and take care of, but if i can at least get this done i'll be happy.

in other news, apart from withdrawing for the god-awful History class, i got straight A's for the summer semester, so i was happy. and tonight was Peyton's birthday, and Erin made him a Spongebob cake and i got a lot of video footage. it was cute.

oops, been slacking on this a bit. well, i haven't done much lately at all, and plus, i've been so preoccupied! all these ideas for future zines have been flowing through me like water and it's very exciting for me. last night, i was going to edit and stuff, but our AC broke and i was too hot and sweaty to do ANYTHING. i hate that.

it's nice and cold in here now though, so i'm going to work on it tonight.

i finished my Summer B semester and i think i got an A, so i'm happy about that. my fall semester though... aye aye aye. gonna be brutal. i'm taking Astronomy, Psychology of Adjustment, Career Exploration, and College Algebra. all online barring the math. YIPES.

and it cost me $374 for my books! i'm running really low on funds, so i'm in desperate need of a refill... supposed to be getting my next batch at the end of the month, i believe. which is good, because i'll need to buy a pricey graphing calculator.

work has been boring the bejesus out of me lately. i don't know what's what anymore, but every day that i'm there, i spent 95% of the time daydreaming about what i'd rather be doing, and half the time doing things i shouldn't, like writing, reading, doing schoolwork, and stuff. i have a piss poor attitude about it this past month, and i need to get BACK ON TRACK. i'm just so bored of my work. i'm also discouraged, because our business is plummeting and i'm worried. i know i need my job. i'll be very sorry if i lose it, because i have bills. but i'm just so restless lately. if things were better in the business, i don't think i'd be so bad. but i feel very willful lately.

i guess that's it. i'm going to go edit some words, and then maybe read before bed. have a couple of short stories to finish up!

i've read so many short stories recently from such a diverse group of authors i can't remember any names or titles, but it's been interesting. i like short stories a lot, and wish i had spent more of my childhood reading them. it's kind of made me discover that's what i want to do, you know? i mean, i still want to be a teacher. but when i was growing up, i really loved to write. i never talk about this because my passion for writing has been drained over the past few years. i've been calling it 'writers block' but now i know that's not what it was. it was like a repression of creativity, and it was me giving up because i knew that chances of ever being satisfied with myself or my life as Ashley the Writer was so out there and unattainable i couldn't bring myself to try. i felt like i spent my childhood constantly trying to prove myself to the people around me and was never quite good enough for too many people--my peers, my mom, my teachers, most of all myself. and i felt like once i was an adult i'd automatically be more in charge of my own life. failing wasn't an option. i was going to get everything i wanted and it was all going to fall into place like a cubist painting. Mom taught me that. that was her life. you are what you come from.

i don't know, i still want to do things. i want to do more. i know i am better than this, and i know i have limits too, but i know i've barely stretched my legs and i don't want to sit back my whole life either. teaching children and opening their eyes will always be something that makes me feel good and like i'm contributing something to the world but i want to do something in my spare time that helps me put things into perspective. a form of creative expression that reflects my thoughts or feelings about myself or my world. i think it depends on the person, but my form of doing that is by writing. James' is creating music, and mine is writing.

anyway, all i was saying was i wished i had spent more time trying to write short stories instead of an actual book. it would have disciplined me to keep my focus and try to wrap up my thoughts so that the reader could take something away from it. that's what reading is all about, after all. taking thoughts from somewhere and putting them somewhere else.