this side of the blue

2009: a year

2009 was kind of a surreal experience because even though nothing earth-shattering happened, i feel that there were a lot of changes for me - most of all in me.

it was my first full year of college, firstly, and i think it changed me. you know how people who have children are always saying that they change your entire outlook on life, the way you think, etc? i had that sort of experience with school. sort of. it was more gradual and not overnight, but i sensed myself mature. i sensed my mind-set turn into that of an adult woman rather than an insecure little girl.

basically, 2009 marks the first year i feel like a real grown-up. ironic, isn't it? i would have thought moving across the country, independent from my family and living with my then-boyfriend would have changed my mind-set more than anything.

it didn't, really. life is so weird sometimes.

my relationship with James has matured, too. with everything put into perspective, i was looking at all the most important parts of my life with this new outlook. i took care of things and so they grew.

this also happened with Mom and me.

not that life is perfect or even ideal, but i know that i am happy with how things are progressing, that they are progressing at all, and so that does make me actually a happy person.

in late 2009 i also took up zines, a hobby that made me extraordinarily happy. i haven't felt so happy and fulfilled by doing something i love since i was eight years old and i started reading non-school books.

even though i'm not superstitious or anything, i'm glad this decade is over, and i'm glad 2009 was a crossover year for me, because it does almost seem like a sign for things to come in the following decade. like i said, i'm not superstitious, but i really do think that some things are just blatant. when something feels right, it probably is.

i'm still a person without many friends, but i'm hopeful. i really am.