this side of the blue

gr... i have the hardest time understanding people my own age usually. it's a good thing i'm not a Psychology major. doesn't the thought of having to spend your weekdays hearing all of peoples fucked up problems and doomed lives sound like the worst punishment you could ever imagine? i assume that all people who want to be Psychologists must first have to figure their own shitty lives out, because how the hell can a person presume to help others if they themselves are fucked up? and i personally think no one is exempt from being fucked up in some form or another. that's just my personal opinion, obviously. i don't care if you come from a perfectly normal family where your mother was kind, loving, nurturing, you had plenty of creative outlets and always felt safe, there's going to be some traumatic incident from deep in your past that will hang over your head like a raincloud the rest of your life unless you go out and pay someone to dissolve it.

for some, i think shit like that isn't so hidden. i know where a lot of my own self-esteem issues come from, though i bet even i have some shitty things i've pressed down below any level of consciousness. it's depressing knowing that if someday i choose to be a mother, i can't really ever fully protect them from being fucked up. WOW.

i love it when i start writing in this thing with the notion of writing a daily routine update and then i go all haywire.